I must speak or I shall surely burst.

Entries from May 2008

Another one bites the dust.

May 21, 2008 · 2 Comments

The death toll rises.

Small animals whose deaths were indirectly caused by my dogs: 1 bunny rabbit and 1 young birdlet.

Poor kid bird fell out of his nest last night during the storm. He must have fallen a good 40 feet out of that tree. Anyhoo, I saw the dogs outside playing with something and they wouldn’t leave it alone. Pawing at it, trying to nip it, circling around it. I walked outside virtually in my underpants to see what it was. It was the birdlet. I grabbed the dogs by their ears and dragged them inside, then returned to see if the bird was badly injured. He was still alive, so I picked him up with a towel. He attempted to fly out of my hands, but I guess he hadn’t quite mastered the art of flapping and sunk like a stone to the ground. So I brought him up on the upper deck and put him in a potted rose bush to protect him from the elements during the night. Must not have worked, because he was a doornail when I checked this morning. Nature sucks sometimes.

So, Ted Kennedy has a malignant brain tumor. I despise Ted Kennedy, but I also experienced a family member with brain/liver/bladder cancer, so I know the pain and suffering his family is going to go through in the next several months. Therefore, I will refrain (for the most part) in talking bad about him. To die of brain cancer is absolutely horrific. Drowning is probably a horrific way to die as well. I’m just saying.

HARSH! I know. I’m sorry. But I hate the man. I do feel bad for his family, though.

Meanwhile, in happier news, I get to go to the beach this weekend! And I don’t have to drive down there by myself, which I am very happy about. I am in desperate need of a vacation, and a girls’ weekend at the beach is long overdue. I am looking forward to it very much.

The Man Child’s wedding was this weekend. The Man Child is my 21-year old brother-in-law. His Child Bride is 20 years old. It was a nice wedding, and I am extremely glad it is over finally. I sunk about $230 into a bridesmaid dress. I think the outfit my bridesmaids wore cost about $90. This dress cost $150, and I had to spend $80 to get it altered because it had ribbon, piping, lining, and straps. But it’s cute enough and simple enough to wear again. But GEEZ. That’s a lot of money. Anyway, I have said all along that I think these kids are crazy for getting married so young and with nary a college degree between them yet, but they were bound and determined to do it so more power to them. Ha, I just remembered that my mother wrote “More power to you!” on their little signature picture frame. She’s a nut.

And on the way back from the Man Child and Child Bride’s wedding, I had car trouble. I got about an hour outside of Birmingham, and I heard a kathunk! Then I heard a repetitive clacketyclackclacketyclacketyclack in the engine. So I pulled over on the side of I-20 (not the safest place to be) and attempted to open the hood, and the latch wouldn’t unhook. So I got back in the car and it started right up, albeit with the clacketyclack sound. I drove to the next exit and parked on the shady side of a Texaco (it was really hot on Sunday) and called Mr. Burks. He said to call my dad, who is a car genius. I called my dad, and he said he would come look at it and get me, but that he had to retrieve the tow bar from my grandfather so it would probably be about two hours before he could get there. He said to tell Mr. Burks to start heading this way from Atlanta so he could pick me up in Munford and tow the car back. I went inside the Texaco and made friends with the clerk. She helped me open the hood, and of course I saw nothing out of place because I know nothing about cars. So she hollered (literally) at one of her son’s friends who was cutting grass within earshot, and he came and listened to the noise. He said something about a head gasket or a cracked head or something or other, and said it was really expensive to fix. How expensive?, I asked, with fear in my heart. Oh, about $200. I was thinking, dude, I need to move to Munford if $200 is expensive. All the while, the car fired right up every time I tried to start it. My dad finally got there with the tow bar around 5:30, and Mr. Burks got stuck behind a wreck in Atlanta so he was still an hour or so away. I tried to start the car for him so he could hear the noise, and the ol’ timing belt decided to give up the ghost at that time so it didn’t start. Dad said he didn’t have the time to fix it this week, so we’d have to take it back home with us.

So dad and I went and got some dinner and hung out. Some of our best father-daughter bonding times have been over my broke down cars. We drove around Anniston, where my great-grandmother used to live. He showed me different places he and mom would take me to when I was a baby. I’m always so busy when I visit home, so it was nice to be able to sit and talk to my father for awhile. Mr. Burks arrived around 7:00, so we got the car hooked up to the back of the Expedition and headed home. At 55 miles per hour. We didn’t get back to our house until around 11 p.m.

$600 later, I have a brand new timing belt. What’s even better is that our mechanic showed Mr. Burks all the old parts he took off and replaced, and the old timing belt said “Honda.” It was the original timing belt on the car, and it lasted 170,000 miles. Dang.

The only thing that bothers me is that there is a slight rattle when I accelerate, which is annoying. Maybe they can fix it before I go to the beach. I hope so. That and the air conditioner. Because it’s hot down here.

Sex for procreation purposes is exhausting. I’m just saying. Especially when you don’t know what the heck is going on with your stuff. It’s like shooting in the dark. Ha.

I don’t know how I ever lived without this BlackBerry. I love it. LOVE. It. I don’t know how I lived without GPS either, for that matter. I love it as well.

Well, there’s a proper blog entry. I haven’t posted anything of substance for awhile. Not that this is of any substance, but you know what I mean. I hope you are doing well.

Categories: I'm just saying · dogs · politics

It’s so pretty? I think it’s pretty? I love it? It’s so pretty?

May 16, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Why does everything on The Hills sound like a question?

Categories: television

ASS.

May 12, 2008 · 3 Comments

In the spirit of YouSuckAtParking.com, I think I’m going to print up several pieces of paper that just say “ASS.” In big, bold, capital, block letters.

Why, you ask? Because people that work in my office building apparently have no understanding of underground parking deck etiquette. Why, just this morning as I was driving around the second level I thought I spied an open spot. But alas, it was occupied. Well, let me clarify: HALF of the spot was occupied by HALF of a Nissan Murano, as well as HALF of another spot by the other HALF of the aforementioned Murano. There is no reason why that Murano (which I shall now refer to as Morono) and my tiny little Del Sol could not have fit in those two parking spots, cocooned between a concrete wall and a pile-on. But no, the Morono had to take up two parking spots. It was like he planned it out, his car was so perfectly bisected by the white line. ASS.

After I had a miniature tantrum on the Morono, I drove back around to take a spot on the other side of Level 2. It was there I saw a freaking F-350 parked in a corner compact spot. So not only was he squeeeeeeeezed into a compact spot, his front end was blocking another compact spot in the other corner! ASS!

I mean come on. Really? So much ASSiness all over the place in the parking deck. Half the reason I bought such a tiny car was so I could make use of the multiple compact spots on the first and second levels of the parking deck. And to have that privilege stripped from be by idiots really makes me irate.

I could just order the stickers from the website, but I am a cheapskate.

Categories: ASS · thoughts

That’s government education for you.

May 7, 2008 · 3 Comments

Here’s a few little linky-dinks courtesy of Nealz Nuze.

WIZARD!!

Wow. I don’t even know what to say about this one. Charged with wizardry? Really? IT WAS A FREAKING MAGIC TRICK! So this man no longer has gainful employment because he tried to amuse a bunch of schoolchildren with a magic trick. Are you KIDDING me?!

This could be interesting…

North Florida and South Florida. An interesting idea. I don’t remember much from my American Government class in high school, so I don’t know how simple or difficult this would be to accomplish. Gotta love Florida, though. We can always count on them to shake things up, eh, Al Gore?

Next they’ll come after our hair straighteners and our vibrators.

So, Islam says it’s illegal for women to use cell phones. I really don’t want to get into a dissertation on the GROSS double standards and mistreatment of women in the name of Islam, so I’ll just direct you to the article and let you start doing your own research.

How is everyone’s Wednesday?

Categories: linky-dink · strange · thoughts

Tag!

May 5, 2008 · 5 Comments

Six Unimportant Things About Me

Here are the rules:
1. Link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. Share six unimportant things about yourself (things/habits/quirks).
4. Name some of your favorite blogs.
5. Send an email/comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged.

1. I watch reruns of DeGrassi: The Next Generation. Every Saturday. And sometimes on Sunday. It’s not particularly well written, the acting is mediocre at best, and, well, it’s a teen drama set in Canada. What’s not to love?

2. I derive immense pleasure from plucking stray hairs and ridding people of blemishes. My husband has finally learned that if he doesn’t let me attack his slight unibrow whilst he is awake, I will do it in his sleep. I attempted to wax my brother’s eyebrows one time. He was traumatized for life. I also enjoy peeling people of their sunburned skin. I used to have a very fair-skinned friend that did landscaping in college, and every time I saw him he would be red and sunburned and peeling, and I would beg him to let me peel him. Gross, I know. But I enjoyed it.

3. If it were not terrible for your health and expensive as all get out, I would smoke a hundred cigarettes a day. I was never really a heavy smoker, and only did it sparingly in college and the first year or so I was married (Mr. Burks was a smoker), but MAN I LOVED IT. And all of you non-smokers out there just do not understand the love affair we current and former smokers have with cigarettes. I quit for various reasons: it is bad for you, it is expensive, but mainly I felt guilty about it because I knew my parents would be disappointed if they knew. Never mind that my father chews tobacco and my little brother smoked (I think he has since quit), but I, the Golden Child, would have felt like a failure if my parents knew that I was a somewhat regular smoker. Sorry, Mom and Dad. I loved smoking. I loved that first drag off a fresh cigarette after lighting up. I loved how it calmed me down instantly. I loved blowing smoke rings and French inhaling. I loved flicking ash. I loved seeing how far I could punt my spent cigarette butt. And yes, it’s true, I felt mature, sophisticated, and cool smoking a cigarette. It’s the stupidest habit in the world to pick up, but I loved it. Smokers and ex-smokers, are you with me here?

4. I am probably the cheapest person in the world. Except when it comes to gadgets and shoes. I fussed at Mr. Burks for spending $60 on clothes (he got 4 Polo shirts and a pair of shorts, which I know is a good deal), yet I do not hesitate a nanosecond when I want a new gadget or pair of shoes. $200 for a BlackBerry that I really have no use for? Sure! New 80gig iPod Classic for $250 when I already have an mp3 player? Okay! I love Birkenstocks, Chacos, and top-of-the-line sneakers, and have several pairs of each. Sometimes I will go on a binge and spend obscene amounts of money on several pair of low- to mid-quality shoes (think Payless, Target, etc.). Mind you, I only wear three or four pairs of shoes on a regular basis.

5. I have a degree in English, which is only moderately used in my current profession. Legalese and expansive knowledge of English and American literature do not go hand in hand, it turns out. As Paisana said, I basically have a degree in pretension. I can reiterate her entire #5, actually. My day is filled with attempting to spout a well-placed “that’s what she said” and “YOU’RE a (whatever someone just said)!” Example: “I’m having a hard time understanding this brief, it’s long and hard” (that’s what she said). “This argument is nothing but a red herring” (YOU’RE a red herring).

6. As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I am somewhat of an attention whore. Not in any sort of overt way, but in a small group setting I tend to dominate the conversation. I would never attempt to be the center of attention in a large group of people, and I hate giving speeches and standing at podiums and things of that nature, but in a social setting I thrive on being the dancing monkey that makes everyone laugh. It stems back to my fatter, physically awkward days when I had to be funny to get any sort of attention. I was never terribly popular, but most people tended to like me because I was funny. Guys liked me because I could crack jokes with the best of ‘em, and girls liked me because I was not a threat or any sort of competition. I became somewhat physically attractive, and then boys liked me for my looks and my ability to crack wise. I never have traded on my looks, but being “the funny girl” got me into a lot of social circles that I would have never broken into otherwise. And once you get me going, it’s hard to stop this funny train. Sometimes I take it too far, but I can always be counted on to say what everyone else is thinking, whether it is socially appropriate or not.

Red Rover, Red Rover, send Luke, Megan, new reader Mark, and whoever else wants to play right over!

Categories: amusing

OH THE IRONY!!!

May 4, 2008 · 4 Comments

Big Brown wins, Eight Belles breaks down.

Holy crap.

This is a terrible tragedy. I don’t much care for horse racing. I don’t really enjoy seeing animals used for sport except, like, dogs in agility contests or where they jump into the lake. At least those animals are enjoying themselves. Horses running as fast as their legs can carry them whilst being whipped on the butt does not look enjoyable to me. But I digress.

The purpose of this post is not to air my feelings about horse racing.

The purpose of this post is to point out that Hillary Clinton picked Eight Belles to win, presumably because she was the only filly in the race. And she had to be killed while still on the track. Eight Belles was beaten by Big Brown.

I’m just saying.

Categories: I'm just saying · oh the irony · politics

Wow.

May 1, 2008 · 5 Comments

I can’t believe tomorrow is May. Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday I was worried about how I was going to buy Christmas presents for my husband and family while we were still paying the ridiculous mortgage on our empty former house. And now it’s May.

It’s going to be a busy month for us. We’ve got to go to Birmingham for Mother’s Day, my brother-in-law is getting married on the 17th, and I’m going to Destin for a bachelorette weekend with one of my former sorority sisters and then to her wedding the next weekend. I have a feeling I’m going to be thankful that we got that dinky little car after all of the miles we shall travel.

Speaking of the dinky little car, we just filled it up for the first time since buying it on Friday. I reset the mileage to zero, so we’ll see how far a tank will take me.

I was reunited with my guitar string bracelet yesterday. I wove it around my wrist on June 6, 1999, and it stayed on until my wedding on October 2, 2004. My mother made me take it off. We had to use baby oil or lotion or something, and it went right back on after the reception. I can’t remember why or when I took it off the second time. But I was looking for a pair of shorts in Mr. Burks’ dresser drawer yesterday evening, and lo and behold, there it was. I am very happy to have it back.

Okay, I seriously want to know who is paying Reverend (and I use the term loosely) Jeremiah Wright. Is it Hillary? Someone working on her campaign? This man is just ridiculous. He’s got to be doing this on purpose, trying to throw a monkey wrench in Obama’s campaign. He must have gotten pissed off at Obama and gone all “nobody puts Baby in a corner.” Obama said, “based on his comments yesterday, I may not know him as well as I thought…” Um, dude, he was your pastor, wedding officiant, close personal friend and advisor for some twenty years. I’m sure you knew him as well as one could know someone else. And something tells me his feelings and views have not changed much in the past twenty years, and if anything they have probably gotten even more outrageous. I’m just saying. Obama’s CHICKENNNSSSSSSSS, comin’ hoooome, to roost. I love it. Hillary is also just loving this, no doubt. I still don’t think she’ll get the nomination, but I’d love it if this would go all the way to the Convention.

Categories: Burks · I'm just saying · politics